Coaching as a life skill
- Pauliina Hallama
- Jan 15, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Sep 19
What happens when a social psychologist ends up on a coaching course? What is this much-talked-about method really about? What can we Finns — and the rest of the world — learn from coaching?
Coaching is a method that more and more Finns are hearing about, both in private life and in the business world. It’s a method that many Finns have strong preconceptions about. It’s a method worth peeking behind the curtain of — because behind that curtain may lie an incredibly useful skill called a life skill.
When was the last time you took a taxi? You probably sat in the back seat and told the driver your destination. But what if, upon entering the car, the taxi driver had asked you to sit behind the wheel and sat beside you in the passenger seat? What if they had asked you what you hoped to gain from your destination, which route you’d like to take, whether you needed a map or GPS, if you should stop for fuel, or if you wanted company for the journey? If you crashed, the taxi driver would’ve helped you recover; while the car was moving, they would have encouraged you to drive more boldly. Their task would have been to help you reach your destination and learn as much as possible about yourself and life along the way.
That’s what a coach does. Their role is to help the client reach their goals — better leadership, a new job, a relationship, financial stability, founding a company, deeper self-knowledge… or even a journey to space.
Coaching is a process that activates people, supports and challenges them to step outside their comfort zone, and helps develop new and existing skills by asking questions and using various techniques. Formal (or “professional”) coaching can be conducted by anyone who has — hopefully — received proper training. Meetings are scheduled with the client, a bill follows, and often the experience is truly worth the cost. The challenge is that most people don’t know what coaching actually is, and those who do often can’t afford it.
We all have a coach inside us
A few years ago, I ended up — half by accident — on a coaching course that happened to fit both my budget and schedule. I quickly realized that it was much more than just a method for organizational development or exaggerated lifestyle hype. I began to understand that it was really a life skill and a way of thinking that should be taught to children in school and to students in high schools, colleges, and universities.
This perspective feels natural because coaching is part of human nature. Each of us has, at some point, had the honor of helping someone — a friend, relative, or colleague — understand something in a new way and encouraged them to act. Perhaps afterward, the person thanked you for an unusually rewarding conversation. By asking good questions, we can help people reach great insights and even surprising results.
This type of approach to coaching can be called informal coaching. It’s when we apply the tools of coaching to existing areas of life — in close relationships or work situations. A doctor might ask their patient more holistic questions, a teacher might help a student understand the impact of their own actions, or a parent might encourage their child to come up with a solution instead of simply telling them what to do.
One of my friends started coaching people in a bar shortly after taking the course. I doubt any of the “clients” realized afterward that he had used a specific technique in the conversation. What often unites us coaches (and people in general) is a desire to help others and improve the world — one small piece at a time — whether the client pays for it or not.
Coaching requires openness and tolerance toward different people and their worldviews, which is also why it suits a social psychologist so well.
A new way of living
Coaching is an excellent tool for helping others, but it is, above all, a way for individuals or groups to view the world and respond to situations. What if, when faced with a challenge or problem, people automatically started asking the right questions, reflecting, and implementing solutions? Or looked at the situation from an entirely new perspective?
Often, this remains just a dream, because we lack the tools for new ways of thinking. We might not know how to assess a situation, set good goals, invent new solutions, or take the necessary actions. Instead, we just focus on the problem at hand and its existence.
Years after taking the course, I found myself in a situation where I desperately needed a coach. My life had become an unmanageable tangle of work tasks that I juggled at all hours. I have a fairly broad coaching network and started thinking about who I knew that could coach me on short notice. Options were limited, and the outcome surprised even me.
A voice in my head said, “Let’s sit down and begin.” I used the tools I had learned for just over an hour, and the result was surprising. I soon realized that by combining different areas of my life, I could create something meaningful and impactful. I set myself a ten-year goal — a vision of how to effectively and engagingly teach life skills to children and young people alongside their schooling and extracurricular activities.
The third form of coaching: coaching yourself
This third form of coaching is self-coaching, where a person uses the tools and techniques they’ve learned on themselves. This approach doesn’t necessarily require pen and paper; it might happen in just a few seconds when faced with a challenge or opportunity.
This is a life skill that I picked up from the course almost as a bonus, and it gradually transformed my thinking — making it more versatile, solution-oriented, and action-driven. Once again, the inner coach proved useful, and what could be more valuable than introducing children and young people (and why not older folks too) to this existing inner powerhouse?
Written by Pauliina Hallama, Chief Coaching Officer of the World Coaching Organization. This original text was first published in full in the magazine of the Finnish Association of Social Psychologists in spring 2014. Pauliina’s mentioned goal has evolved over the years, but coaching remains a strong part of that goal and the journey toward it. Today, Pauliina trains coaching skills internationally, both through open courses and within various organizations.
